What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 05:39
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Is heroin really as good as people say it is?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
How do I develop the patience to read books?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Which country has the best and strictest legal system in the world?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Would this be the day?
Are there any penalties for bestiality in the USA and laws prohibiting it?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
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Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
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Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why didn't people like the Game of Thrones ending?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So, i spoilt her more .
She wouldn,t have been !
If an abortion doesn’t affect you, why do people make it a big deal?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
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Im still living with it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
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5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She loved him until the end.
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I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
All the time i was locked up.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why does cocaine makes me want to dress up and get fuck
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One cannot live in the past .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
How do you confront your own family for not inviting you or leaving you out of things?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
This is soul school!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I think the readers, may guess!
But, we were locked up after school.
I was scared of men, in general
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My family never makes their pension either.
(And it was in our own minds.)
It was going to be , some day.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I waited trembling.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She found it foreign!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Ive learnt so much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Who then, do I blame.?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Comes on , in middle age.
My life is so biszare .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I said to her
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it wasn’t much.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What did i know ?
We were not on the streets..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So whats the point in blame.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I will be 64.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He knew the spot.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I write beautiful poetry .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was seconnd youngest,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was very sick at this time too.
I have no regrets .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And i lived it daily.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was in good health!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
When she asked me how she looked .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i do to all so called friends.?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I don,t even have a pension.
We all went to grammer schools
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Especially a lifetime of it.
She married twice! .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was 9 years of age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I never cut or harmed myself..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Put me off passion for life!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But ive been too sick for many years..